I Came THIS Close!!

So, I've been having issues with my Keagan since the moment she turned 2.  She's such a sassy little thing, and lately, it seems as though she can't make a good choice if her life depended on it.  She is such an amazingly smart child, she hasn't given her school teacher any guff (except for the time she called a little girl at school, fat).  So why does she always give me so much crap?

I've tried many forms of punishment with her, but nothing seems to work.  The other day, she did something naughty and before I could say anything, she turned to me and said, "You can ground me, Mom, it's ok."  She also likes to give me different ideas of what to take away when I ground her.  Go figure.  I've tried washing her mouth out with soap, spanking (I probably shouldn't admit that one), etc. etc. and the list goes on and on and on.  Nothing I do seems to faze her.  I've had friends tell me, "Take something away that's important to her."  I've tried that one too.  It doesn't work either.  She always accepts her punishments well and is never defiant.

So yesterday, I had this bright idea that I would tell her she could go and live with someone else if she doesn't like the show I'm running.  She thought that sounded like a fun idea.  Tommy's little brother, Zach is FINALLY moving out on his own into one of Tommy's apartments in the ghetto downtown, so I thought maybe it would be a fun treat to go live with Uncle Snack.  Thinking she would HATE that idea, she didn't think it sounded so bad.  I personally couldn't think of anything worse!

When Tag caught wind of my little scheming, he said, "Mom, isn't that illegal?  She's just a kid!" 

"Yep, that's right," I said.  "It's illegal, alright.  But so is disobeying your mom."  He was seriously distraught about the whole thing.  So early this morning, I told Keagan  that when she got home from school this afternoon, we'd pack up a little suitcase and head over to the Paradise Palms.

Well, Tommy said he would, in no way, have ANYTHING to do with this little scheme of mine.  Of course, make me look like the bad guy!

Now, I know what you're all thinking.  I'm the worst mother EVER!  I just want to set the record straight, that I would never, never, never actually go through with this plan, let alone, make her move in with Uncle Snacky.  Now that, in and of itself is child abuse alone!   I am at my wit's end.  You think I'm kidding about selling her on Ebay?

Well, we had a good little chat after school and hopefully it's all worked out.  Hopefully.

Any advice for me???

P.S.  Whoever comes up with the best answer gets an all-expense paid weekend at THEIR home with Keags.

"Liquid Attitude"

A few weeks ago, some friends of ours invited us on an "adults only" trip to Lake Powell. (sounds a little racy, doesn't it?)  Can I just say, that was, hands down, one of the best Powell trips we've been on!  The Costco runs were done, the meals were prepared, the HD plasma screen all dialed, and all Tommy and I had to do was show up with our 400 bucks and sign up twice for clean-up duty after meals!  How slick is that?!   Makes me want to sell our houseboat share and pray we get invited on someone else's boat each year!  Thanks again, Jason and Tanya!

Everyone racing down to the bottom of the sand hill.  The only casualty was Tommy's glasses.  he lost one of the lenses.

Cliff jumping

Here's a cute little rattlesnake the boys found.  It must have fallen in the water and was slithering its way back up the cliff.  We made bets the next morning (yes, it happened to be on a Sunday that the bets were placed.  I know, the shame!)  Well, it just so happens Randy and I won, we bet that the snake would still be there, and Christine Kempton came through on her her end of the bargain and hand delivered my mango Golden Spoon 2 nights later!!

Here I am redeeming myself from our last trip and climbing my fat butt up this stupid sand hill.  I like to refer to myself as "skinny-fat."  I'm so lazy and out of shape.  The last time we were here, I couldn't even make it to the top of the hill and my super-supportive hubby kept yelling, "Even a dude with ONE leg can get to the top!  He's even got a kid on his shoulders!!  (Yes, Steve Osborn is a total stud that can out-run, out-surf, out-climb anyone!)  And to top it off, there was this little white-trash kid going up the next to me, mind you it was his 3rd time up the hill, he kept telling me he was gonna kick my butt.  It was definately a "wooden spoon" moment!

I'm Not Gonna "Sugar-Coat" This One...

All I'm gonna say about our little road-trip is 10 kids, one PACKED 15 passenger van, one crowded hotel room, and 3 tired and cranky mommas.  People have been asking why it's taken me 2 weeks to post about it.  It pretty much licked.  Did I mention we came home a day early?!  

No, it really wasn't all that bad.  We had a blast a LegoLand, and the kids had a great time at the beach.  I can't really say I'd be game for that again, and I've come to the conclusion that there is a reason there is a mom AND a dad.  Enough about that.

Shameless Plug...

So Tommy's cousin, Ben is selling these super-neato, one-of-a-kind, just in time for football season t-shirts, and because I have the most awesome blog in the 'hood (kidding guys, chillax!) I told him I would try and help him sell some.  

 

Anyone interested, you can email him at: ben@varsiteedesign.com

You're all gonna look so freakin' hot!!

Ladies... Don't be Playa' Hatin'

Because you don't have this yummy gem to wake up to every morning.  Ha!  I couldn't resist. He's really gonna kill me for this one.  I just remembered I had this one tucked away.  There's a funny story with it:  

We went on a cruise a few years ago with our friends, Ben and Angi, and you know, at the end of the cruise when it's time to do all the "glamour shots?"  Well, this was my Tommy's version.  (There's a story behind this pose as well.  We like to call it the "gay realtor pose."  Little did we know, Benjamin Todd was going to buy the picture!  

So, fast-forward a few months, we're getting ready to move down to AZ and Ben and Ang threw us a going away party, and guess what picture they used for the flyers??  Tommy was livid!  (not really, he was just acting bugged, but I think he secretly liked it.  He LOVES looking at pictures of himself.  I personally can't stand looking at pictures of myself!  Ha! Ha!)  There was a new family that had moved into the ward, and Tommy went to  introduce himself to the new guy at church, and he started laughing and said, "I know who you are.  You're that dude on the flyer.  My wife and I thought it was so funny, we put it on our fridge!"  Tommy wasn't so amused.

Now You Know What I'm Talking About...

When I say my mom is the greatest cook!  She's not messing around, fellas.  I can't exactly remember what she was making here, but I know it was some sort of frog fondue thing, (you can click on the picture to enlarge.  Don't know exactly know why I'm making a blowfish face.)   I think she was trying to be tricky with all the vegetables, trying to make it "fun" to eat all the "healthies."

I remember begging her to make Mac and Cheese for us.  Tacos were a real treat.  Even spaghetti.  Hamburger Helper?  Never heard of it!!  Someone once told me, "If the recipe calls for more than 5 ingredients, I won't make it."  Huh??  She is always making something fancy.  I love this woman!  So now you see where the mad cooking skills come from?

"I'm Goin', Goin', Back, Back, To Cali, Cali"

We're trekking off on a little road trip to California for the weekend, 2 girlfriends and I, 10 kids (11 and under), and we're renting a 15 passenger van, with no tv.  I'm feeling kinda pioneerish about the whole thing.  And no, in case you're wondering, it's not my polygamist sisters from a previous post, although the 2 wives, 10 kids and polygamist van isn't helping the story any.)  Hmmmmm..... sounds exciting.  Please, everyone cross your fingers Swayze doesn't get car-sick.  Tommy won't be with me to clean it all up while I sit on the sidelines and watch (remember our little deal?)  So I'm gonna be uber-prepared, i.e., car seat cover (check), zip-lock bag large enough to smuggle a family of four (check), 12 wet rags neatly rolled and stuffed into the large body bag (check), an extra set of clothes to change Swayze (check), and last but certainly not least, a large 32 oz. cup to hold the extra pukeage in (check).  Now, mind you I haven't forwarned any of my 13 passengers all this yet.  Heaven help us!

Adios, amigos, I'll have pics next week.

Fun Times At The Perrett Apartments!

It was my very first Mother's Day.  I had such high expectations.  Burning down our apartment wasn't one of them.  Tag was I think about 7 months old at the time, and we were living in one of my dad's apartments.  He even let us stay in the nicest one, top corner.  I'll get on with the story.

We had some friends in town that weekend, went to church, and decided to ditch the last hour.  (I thought it was some sort of punishment for ditching.)  So we open the door and get this HUGE gust of smoke, and I'm screaming to the manager to call 911.  Our trusty friend, Ryan Burkinshaw, decides to be Mr. Macho and breaks the box with the fire extinguisher and bursts into the apartment.  He sprays the ENTIRE ENTIRE ENTIRE apartment and comes running out with HIS suitcase!!  (He said it was the only thing he could see.  Sure.)

Well, we lived across the street from a church (not ours, thank goodness) and everyone is outside to see what's going on, typical Utards.  (My friends in Utah don't count as Utards, by the way.)  We had 3 fire trucks, about 5 police cars, 2 ambulances, it was so humiliating.  By the time they got there, the fire was out.  We found out what started the fire was our trusty fish tank.  The light shorted.  (My dad has since banned ANY sort of fish tank, whatsoever.)  

So who's job was it to call my dad and give him the news?  I'm thinking, "Oh, Scott (the manager) will surely do it."  I'm balling next to him as he starts to tell my dad what happened, trying to make him feel sorry for me so that he'd just do it, and then he hands me the phone and makes me do it!  I'm not even going to begin typing the words that were going on in my head at the time.  Let's just say, not the best in the book.  Well, I was scared &*%@# -less, let's just put it that way.  

Anyhoo, before I found out it was the light that shorted out, I had just assumed it was a burning candle that did it, and man alive, you would've thought I went out and got a tattoo on my belly button or ankle or something!  He wasn't a happy camper.

We had major smoke damage, nonetheless, about $5000 worth (so my dad says, I bet it was more.  I'm still trying to make it up to him. :)  Every time my parents run into old friends, they always ask what the latest "Leigh Story" is.  I really don't like to disappoint.  I like to keep people entertained, give 'em something to talk about, you know.

But all was well and ended up a-ok.  I just wish I could've found the picture with all the dead fish.  They were crispy little suckers.  But it made for a great story!!

"No, Really, If You Had To Choose One..."

This little treasure I found is very near and dear to my heart.  It's been the running joke in my family for years.  I think I'm about 14 in it.  My sisters, Kim, Andi and I went and had our pictures taken.  Well, I thought I looked SO beautiful in it.  I'd go around to different family members and say, "If you had to choose one, who do you think is the prettiest in this picture?"  I know, I know, I have some serious vanity issues going on.  So I'd go around asking everyone who they thought was the prettiest sister, and my dad would say some smart@!%& thing like, "Oh, Kim's the prettiest."  And I just figured he was messing with me.  In my small little pea-brained mind, I just knew everyone thought I was the prettiest, they just didn't want to say it out loud and make the other sisters feel bad.  I'd even go up to Kim and ask her and SHE WAS IN THE PICTURE!!  I'd say, "Kim, don't you think my eyes are so pretty?  Don't you think my hair is SO pretty?  Aren't my lips SO PRETTY?"

Needless to say, I think I have gorgeous sisters, no competition there.   I don't know why I was always such a weirdo about it.

My Sweet, Sweet Edila

Ok, a little disclaimer here.  I am in no way trying to sound like I'm bragging one bit, but I'm going to write a little about my love for my cleaning lady, Edila.  I love love love her so much! She comes and visits me every Wednesday, and oh, how I look forward to these days.  Now, mind you, I've had to give up a few things to keep her, i.e., nails, pedicures, facials, that sort of stuff.  And I'm fine with it.  I would even give my firstborn to have her come each week, no, not really!  Come on!  (ok, maybe my second child, this week has been a disaster with her.  Try getting a call from her 1st grade teacher saying she and her friend have been calling another girl at recess FAT!  But I'll be posting about her 100x's of writing, "I, Keagan Stapley, will be nice to everyone."  Ugh!  I'm half tempted to sell her on Ebay.)

Now, I don't give a crap what Oprah and her homegirls say about Pine-Sol.  I flippin' LOVE that smell, and the house looks clean enough to me!  (Oprah says, "Just because it smells clean, doesn't mean it is clean.)  Yeah, whatever lady.

So, here's my little shout-out to my honorary hermana, Edila.  xoxo